50 Terrible, Quick Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand

Jokes on Jokes on Jokes

Thought Catalog

50 Terrible, Short Jokes That'll Get You A Laugh On Demand

As many of you know, corny jokes that have terrible puns and/or cringe-worthy punchlines some of my favorite things. For example, my Twitter is basically a résumé of the pathetic attempts at humor that people who interact with me daily have to deal with. Here are a couple examples of my bold swings at being funny:

Those nuggets of gold didn’t come out of nowhere, y’all. I love a good joke, especially one that can actually be shared with people when it’s laughs that they seek. The last thing you want is some to say “Tell me a joke,” or to be in a room full of funny…

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i’ll never be IN love with you again. but i’d still like some answers to all the questions that i have.

You’re engaged now. You’re going to be married soon. I always knew this day would come, for the both of us. I just never thought it would come so soon for you. Just barely over a year since we broke up and ended an almost decade long love affair. You’re right. I would have loved to see you one last time. Just to look at you one more time and see that smile that I fell in love with at 15. I would’ve loved to look at you and see you with your fiancé and stick my hand out to introduce myself to you both. Why? Because we don’t know each other anymore. I wonder if you gave her the ring that I had not so subtly picked out that afternoon at Cartier. I bet you did. You had no imagination and I had, and still do, have incredible taste. Three carats, near flawless, cushion cut, set in platinum. I’m in love with someone else now. That, I am, without a doubt, most certain about, but I still have answers. How long have you been with her? Were you with her while you were calling me and telling me that you loved me? Were you two together when I came to visit? When you came to visit? Did she hold you in her arms when you told her about the hell I put you through? Did Reed and Melissa just absolutely dote and fawn over her, like they could’ve/would’ve done with me, given the chance? Does she know that just a month ago, you wrote me, asking to run away with you and marry you? That you asked me the same thing not even 2 months before that? What if I would’ve kept both our children? Would you have stayed? Would you have been a father to them? A husband to me? Did you ever even love me?? When you’d look at me when you were inside me, were you just thinking of someone else? For once, I hope you’re lying. I take a minute comfort in knowing that I know you’ll always still think of me… I know that I will never get the answer to my questions. In a couple of days, you’ll just be another thing that’ll just… disappear. For now, I’m kind of sad.

40 Quotes About Beauty That Will Help You See Yourself Differently

Beauty. Forever & Always.

Thought Catalog

8405947770_8661e09f05_hLeanne Surfleet

Once upon a time, not so long ago, beauty was the greatest accomplishment – the only accomplishment! – for women. Their survival was dependent on being passed from their fathers to their husbands for income, for shelter, for life. In 1974, women still needed a husband’s signature to open a credit line, so may we be conscious of the fact that these are not ancient, archaic issues, realities of far-gone, lesser times.

Being objectively beautiful, better than other women, is something that’s so deeply ingrained in our psyches, and it’s only now being rendered obsolete as we (thankfully) change the way we determine “worth.”

The need to be beautiful, the obsession, the compulsion, the overwhelming desire, is rooted in survival, laced with instinct, compounded by consumerism, and associated most with the cosmetics counter.

And so there is a tension, and a disconnect, for the great truth we are subsequently neglecting. So long as we cultivate how we appear, how consumable we are…

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